It's so scary to take that step on who and what you want to become. For many years I kept on delaying this--- intentionally, unintentionally, consciously and unconsciously. The words that you are about to read, came from the deepest part of me and even starting this, makes my heart tremble. It doesn't come from the head but it is built from from the heart. Hear me out.
I spent 4 years in the college of nursing day in and day out without absences nor tardiness. I mastered the skill of sleeping for 2 hours in order to gear up for the next day's lectures and/or hospital or community-related nursing activities. I love nursing. Nursing is my passion. It is the only thing that I've ever dreamt of doing. But at the same time, I have always had this fear of what ifs. What if I wouldn't be good enough? What if I fail? These fears delayed what I've always wanted to do.
Graduating from the university with honors (cum laude and outstanding performance for both hospital and community-related nursing) was not the key to success. It was only just the beginning. I have graduated from the University of San Carlos. An institution I am proud of and respect but with the lack of hospitals in the Philippines, there are more licensed nurses than there are vacancies. After getting my license as a nurse, I immediately scouted for jobs only to realize that there is politics in getting one. You'll be asked if you have any politician backing you for a reference, which I didn't have. This was and is the sad truth.
(Sigh) But now, with my husband's and family's support, I am more ready than ever. I thought I was. Let me shed a light on this. I have started my application to become a nurse in the NHS about 6 months ago. With the nerve-racking IELTS exam, to the best interview ever with NHS Nottingham hospital, to the equally brain-exhausting CBT and now, to the exciting and excruciating waiting game for the decision letter in order to the take the OSCE...I am taking the path to my passion and it's not easy. What keeps me going is that inner voice and inner fire of wanting to be a greater nurse. To serve and to care to the best of my ability which is why I took my pledge. Nurses need not just the brain and skills but the right attitude as well. K-S-A (knowledge, skills and attitude) was what my mentors way back college days, always reminded us. To wear your heart on your sleeves but at the same time be professional. To empathize and to go beyond the call of duty.
Another way I decided and tried to help nurses like me, was by starting a Facebook group called Nurses' Dream with my husband. It is a community that we envisioned to be a support group. It is still small but slowly growing right now. But I wanted all of us to take part in pushing each other to achieve our dreams. All of us could make our fellow nurses become more positive, more confident and more courageous.
For nurses out there who are like me (scared and a bit needing that push), do what you always wanted to do. Start becoming that dream.
